Navigating the Festive Season on the Fertility Journey

The holiday season is supposed to be filled with joy. However, when experiencing fertility issues, it’s hard to stay cheery while you’re feeling a whirlwind of emotions. It can be difficult to feel all that joy when you thought this would finally be the year you’re celebrating with your child. We would like to share some tips on how to keep up with the holiday cheer, even when you feel like the Grinch.

Coping Strategies and Self-Care

Whether you are experiencing grief or not, you will need to maintain a high level of self-care as it will be the one way to protect yourself from getting down and hard on yourself, especially when much of the fertility journey is out of your control. Coping with these emotions and subsequent conversations with friends and family will help you protect your peace. Here are some strategies for you to consider doing during the holiday season:

1. Plan in advance. Be aware of your triggers and know how much you can handle. Brace yourself for family members asking when you’ll have kids. Think about how you will tackle these difficult situations. Keeping all this in mind, planning in advance is your best friend.
2. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, as long as it’s within healthy limits. You can skip out on events if you know the focus will be on pregnancy or the new baby in the family. 
3. Take care of yourself by treating yourself and your partner to something special. It is the season of giving after all.
4. If you have been triggered or you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s okay to leave. You are not the bad guy for taking care of yourself. Try to discreetly leave if you do not want to bring attention to yourself.
5. Do the stuff you enjoy. Eat proper meals, get enough sleep, and experience the holidays in a way that makes you feel good. That may even mean forgetting about the holidays altogether if that is what you prefer. Look at Christmas lights, watch a festive movie, and call the people you love. Do whatever it is your heart desires.
6. Something helpful for when you’re feeling overwhelmed is journaling. Write down how you feel to help yourself truly understand your emotions and why you feel the way you do. Journaling allows you to healthily process your emotions and prevent them from coming out in a hurtful way later.

Communication with Others

You don’t have to take on everything by yourself. If you’re comfortable with it, seek support from your friends and family. Talk with your loved ones beforehand. Tell them about your struggles and how you have been coping. Let them know what topics you are comfortable with and what you would like to stay away from during the holidays. Your mental health is more important than a holiday. Seek out support if it gets too much to handle.

Tips for Family Members

This section is for those who know someone struggling with fertility issues. It’s a difficult topic to navigate, especially if you have never experienced it yourself. You may say some things that are harmless to you, but they can hurt those trying to conceive. Here are some tips on what you should and should not do to your loved ones who are trying to conceive:

1. Do not ask someone when they will have kids. They seem like small, harmless questions, but they can be very hurtful for couples who are trying to conceive. It’s a simple conversation topic, but you don’t know what they have been through or how hard they have been trying.
2. Don’t minimize their pain. It’s human nature to want to help others and make them immediately feel better, but sometimes it’s better to just let someone grieve. Saying “at least…” is not always helpful.
3. Do not suggest adoption. For a couple experiencing fertility issues, adoption has crossed their minds. It is a personal subject, and they have their reasons for why they decided not to adopt.
4. Listen to what they’re saying. Obviously, you don’t have a magical cure for their fertility issues. They know that. They don’t want advice; they want support. Some people don’t want to talk about their fertility issues. If they wish to talk about something else, be respectful of that.
5. Above all, let them know you care about them and you support them.

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet they can be a difficult time for some. By following these tips, you can make the holidays more bearable.

Remember to always take care of yourself, no matter what time of the year it is. You have a community of people who love and care for you.

References

1. How To Cope With Infertility During The Holidays. Axia Women’s Health. November 14, 2023. Accessed 

November 20, 2023. https://axiawh.com/resources/how-to-cope-with-infertility-during-the-holidays/#:~:text=If%20the%20worry%20of%20infertility,health%20is%20the%20top%20priority! 

2. Martin MG. Ten Tips For Coping With Infertility During The Holidays. Atlanta Center for Reproductive 

Medicine. April 14, 2022. Accessed November 20, 2023. https://www.atlantainfertility.com/about-us/blogs/2017/november/ten-tips-for-coping-with-infertility-during-the-/.

3. 7 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Infertility and 5 Ways to Show Your Support. Pathways 

Fertility. March 22, 2021. Accessed November 27, 2023. https://ivfga.com/7-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-infertility-and-5-ways-to-show-your-support/#:~:text=Do%20not%20tell%20them%20to,preventing%20them%20from%20becoming%20pregnant.